Little did we know this rollercoaster ride of emotions was not even close from being over when we excitedly took this picture.
Shortly after taking this picture and preparing for our Embryo Transfer, we found out our not so great news:
As of Friday morning, about 10 of our embryos had dropped off, meaning they stopped developing. We had about 6 embryos left, but none of them were where they should have been development-wise on Day 5 (Friday). They told us that they would continue watching them through Sunday and would transfer the greatest quality one that was showing the best signs of growth and development. They said they would call me on both Saturday and Sunday with updates.
Synopsis of the Procedure: When we arrived at the clinic, they took us back to a surgery holding room and I had to get back in the gown and all that jazz. I was instructed by my nurse when to take a single Valium to help me relax and relieve some pain of the procedure, but I was fully awake the entire time. My doctor was out of town, so we met with Dr. Bopp, who instead did my procedure. (I actually started at Midwest Fertility 3 years ago with Dr. Bopp so I was excited to see him again and thought it was funny that this was some weird circle of life thing happening.) Once we met with Dr. Bopp, I was wheeled back to the surgery room and Thomas accompanied me in a full "bunny" suit as well. When we got back to the room, they updated us on the progress of our embryos and this was where the previous mentioned bad news was told to us. They showed me a picture of the embryo that they were going to transfer. Then they use a teeny tiny catheter and inject the embryo directly in your uterus, which is done under ultrasound guidance. The whole procedure didn't take more than ten minutes and was relatively pain-free. The most painful part for me was them pushing down with the ultrasound so hard on my stomach that it was going through to the progesterone injection bruising on my back. But overall, I had little cramping after.
Here's a picture of our dear little embryo that they transferred!
We took the news pretty hard. I lost most of my hope. I didn't understand why they wouldn't develop properly. I felt like I had just gone through weeks of injections for nothing. I realized that the options of IVF and surrogacy would be completely out if our embryos couldn't even develop. I felt like I had wasted tons of money. I felt like I would be scheduling my hysterectomy for way sooner than I ever wanted. I was a mess and in some way, I felt like I had miscarried all over again. I know it's hard for some to understand, but to me, those 16 little embryos were already very loved and my little babies. I prayed all day and all night and slept most of the day. And then I found this verse that I had highlighted awhile back and boy, did it give me much needed comfort:
I woke up Saturday morning to the phone call that I was scared to answer. The lab tech excitedly told me that one little embryo had reached full blastocyst stage and looked great. This embryo was able to be frozen. They told me they were watching one more and would call me Sunday.
Just like that, I had hope again. The happiness, relief, and thankfulness I felt, was overwhelming. I had hope that the little embryo they placed inside me would grow like the other one. And I had hope that even if it didn't, I would have one more try with my one little frozen embryo. I had hope that IVF wasn't completely a waste for me and there is still a chance that God will make it work for us. But if not, He is still good. And we will work through whatever comes our way to remember this. I was just thankful for the hope I was given back.
They called today and told me that the last embryo they were watching dropped off. So we are left with one embryo frozen and one inside of me, hopefully growing into a little baby. This news was hard to take, because we wanted more chances of Frozen Embryo Transfers if it didn't work, but we are trying to be thankful for the two that we have. Not everyone even gets those odds and we know that.
So now, we wait and we do daily progesterone injections. We wait and pray and hope that it is finally our turn to be parents. But if not, God will take care of us. He's ever faithful, ever powerful, and ever loving. Please pray that this works. Please pray that if it doesn't, He holds our hearts in His hand and comforts them, because physically and emotionally we don't know how much more of this we can take.
Thank you for the comfort and encouragement given to us. We have so many people rooting our little embryo on and we're more thankful for that than we'll ever be able to express.
Abby & Thomas
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