Baby Hostetler Due May 2018

-25 prescriptions

-9 consultations

-20 ultrasounds

-25 blood tests

-6 acupuncture sessions

-4 IUIs

-1 egg retrieval

-2 transfers

-47 trips to Carmel

-Over 275 pills

-Over 75 injections

-8 months of fertility treatments

-More Zofran & PreNatal Vitamins than I can count

I’m exhausted from just reading through that list, but oh my lanta, was it worth it for the joy that God has given us now.

Baby Hostetler will make his/her appearance in May 2018. I am7 weeks along, and baby is currently the size of a blueberry. We had our first ultrasound on Thursday and heard our precious little one’s perfect heartbeat. The heartbeat was immediately visible and was at 123. Everything went wonderfully and we are so thankful.

Life has been a whirlwind since August 28, which was the day that we found out. I was convinced that it was another negative and I couldn’t take it any longer. I started looking into Sacred Selections, the adoption agency we would have used, when Midwest Fertility called me and told me the news. I couldn’t stop crying and shaking for hours and was worthless at work all day long. To make it even better, my levels in May with the baby I lost were 52. This time, they were 385. My doctor told me that this level was wonderful and that he already had a good feeling. When I went back two days later, I was a nervous wreck because of my experience in May, but my results came back perfect. My HcG had doubled like it should and my estrogen and progesterone were looking great as well. I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for this. I will continue to do progesterone injections and estrogen supplements through the first trimester to support baby.

Along with the thankfulness, there is still hurt. Even though I want to take infertility away from everyone it’s hurting, I cannot. Even with the joy I feel, the hurt is not erased. The scars are there (quite literally), and I won’t forget what I went through (and what so many others are still going through) for this baby. However, I’m so utterly grateful for it. I don’t ever want to feel the way I felt during those 11 months again, but because of those months of hurt and sadness, I have developed a deeper appreciation for the blessing of this perfect child God gave to Thomas and I.

All I ask, in the coming days, is that you don’t forget the hurt of infertility as you come congratulate and celebrate with us. Please don’t say things to me like: “Once the baby gets here and you never sleep, you won’t be so happy then.” “Once you are throwing up everyday, you’ll want this all to be over.” “The baby will make you fat and you won’t ever fit into your pants again and then you won’t be so happy.” All of these statements and more have already been said to me when I state that I will not complain through my pregnancy, and they hurt and they bring me a lot of frustration. They bring me a lot of frustration because when you can’t have a baby and you so deeply desire to, you lose sleep because you’re too busy crying and worrying about the relationship you may never have. When you’re going through IVF and your estrogen levels are 4500, your body mimics pregnancy and you have morning sickness…but instead of being able to be grateful for the baby you’re carrying and the fact that your body is acting properly, you instead don’t know if that fake morning sickness will ever be real and if what you’re putting your body through will ever be worth it. And when you have 36 follicles swollen to the size of oranges, you can’t fit in pants, but you don’t have a cute baby who loves you more than anything looking back at you. So PLEASE think about what you say. I know everyone means well, but that doesn’t give us the excuse to be insensitive to the trials people have gone through. We request, if you would, that you think about the wonderful blessing a baby is, and ask that you focus on this joyous gift with the two of us.

We can’t thank you enough for all the prayers you have offered up on our behalf. We’re confident that your prayers are part of the reason as to why we’re celebrating today. The love you’ve shown to us in the past year is indescribable and will never be forgotten. We’ll make sure baby knows about how much he/she was loved before he/she was even born. We love you all so much and are glad that we can share our news with you. Keep praying for a healthy baby, please!

Also, baby is due May 5, 2018. Hoping for a "May the 4th Be With You" baby. ;)